Dawn [Inferno] // Luke fon Fabre (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heliokleptic) wrote2011-02-09 02:27 am
heliokleptic) wrote2011-02-09 02:27 am
Entry tags:
Memory 4 - Neg Triv
Master Van telling him he's a worthless tool
So basically, this memory is one line in the game, I kind of love it.
"I have no use for dreck. Be gone. You failed to die when you were meant to. You're worthless."
There is a part in the game where the party goes to Belkend and Luke pretends to be Asch to get in to see Van. Rather than kicking them out, Van tries to explain how the world needs to be free of the score. Heroes and villains have an ethics argument. If you go back in after that scene and talk to Van with Luke's avatar up, he says this to you.
It's a... really cruel thing, if you have an inkling of how much Luke adores Van. Luke's entire life, Van has always been kind to him, treated him fondly, and be far more of a father figure than Luke's actual father. Once Luke's purpose is done with, and he fails it, Van treats him like a broken tool that has the audacity to talk to him.
It's... really not commented on, much. Even though the way Van treats Luke must have been really painful for him, he doesn't complain about it, and I don't think anyone else points it out other than Tear yelling at Van once or twice. There is never any "Sorry your father figure thinks you have no value, Luke".
On top of that, this particular memory takes place when Luke is still pretty early on his path to redemption. In the first half of the game, prior to 'killing' Van, Luke is pretty depressed. He eventually learns to hide it, but in the final battle it comes out that Luke basically thinks he has no purpose and is having a giant existential crisis. That is after he has done a lot of good and redeeming things and his entire party loves him again. THIS memory is much earlier, when he is still winning the party back, has only done a few good redeeming things, and is not even convinced himself that he can change. He is still stinging heavily from Akzeriuth, and hasn't learned that he wants to live. So it's baaaasically one of Luke's looooowest points.
Thus I assume that the reason Luke never mentions the way Van treats him is because he... gets it. He really does. Of course Van thinks he is worthless. He completely realizes that Van isn't treating him with hatred or anger, just complete dismissal. He killed thousands of people, he was never in the Score to begin with, he only exists at all as a cog in Van's machinations for world destruction. The only value his life has is trying to redeem himself from something terrible, and he already knows he can't possibly achieve that!
So that is kind of his... mindset at the time. Despite how UTTERLY DEPRESSING all of these facts are, he is not... well okay he IS miserable at the time? But he isn't self involved in his own misery. By that point in the game Luke has very much accepted how much he sucks forever and is coping with it very well. So in the memory hearing this from Van is not a surprise, and not even that upsetting. Sad? Yes. But he didn't cry or try to talk to Van about it. He understood, accepted it, and was way more upset over Van's plans than Van's feelings on him.
So, to Luke From Canon, this is a negative-trivial memory. It is not a big deal.
To Dawn this is a Sig Neg, and without question the most upsetting thing to happen to him so far 8D;
It's... well. It would have been a lot worse if he remembered loving Van. But all he knew about Van was that he was Very Important and he probably would have done anything for him! Which is still a lot, but no where close to Luke's obsessive love in canon. He also knew Van is Guy's friend, and Guy cares about him a lot! He was PRETTY WELL SET UP TO THINK this Van guy is pretty awesome.
However, just remembering that Van thinks he is worthless would not have upset him that much. He would have switched over to his "well fuck you" mode and blown it off as much as he could.
What really is upsetting him is mindset at the time! He essentially agreed with the terrible things Van said about him! He absolutely completely believes he has no value. In fact, he has negative value because it would have been better if he never existed! Dawn, being Luke, has cooooonstant issues with his self worth. Being told he is useless really bothers him. But he doesn't know how to deal with anything constructively so he tries to pretend like he doesn't care. But "no one cares about me" "everyone thinks I'm useless" is a fairly regular concern in the back of his mind.
So getting a memory of his 'old' self who not only agrees with Master Van who just said he should have died, but isn't at all offended by such really terrible things being said. Iiiit's. Upsetting! The him who has all of his memories and presumably is smarter and knows things and can do things thinks he shouldn't exist and that REALLY SUCKS. The fact that apparently also Guy's friend Van wants him dead does not help matters.
SO BASICALLY WHAT LUKE LEARNED OUT OF THIS is that the value of his existence is in question and I have no idea how he will deal with that.
So basically, this memory is one line in the game, I kind of love it.
"I have no use for dreck. Be gone. You failed to die when you were meant to. You're worthless."
There is a part in the game where the party goes to Belkend and Luke pretends to be Asch to get in to see Van. Rather than kicking them out, Van tries to explain how the world needs to be free of the score. Heroes and villains have an ethics argument. If you go back in after that scene and talk to Van with Luke's avatar up, he says this to you.
It's a... really cruel thing, if you have an inkling of how much Luke adores Van. Luke's entire life, Van has always been kind to him, treated him fondly, and be far more of a father figure than Luke's actual father. Once Luke's purpose is done with, and he fails it, Van treats him like a broken tool that has the audacity to talk to him.
It's... really not commented on, much. Even though the way Van treats Luke must have been really painful for him, he doesn't complain about it, and I don't think anyone else points it out other than Tear yelling at Van once or twice. There is never any "Sorry your father figure thinks you have no value, Luke".
On top of that, this particular memory takes place when Luke is still pretty early on his path to redemption. In the first half of the game, prior to 'killing' Van, Luke is pretty depressed. He eventually learns to hide it, but in the final battle it comes out that Luke basically thinks he has no purpose and is having a giant existential crisis. That is after he has done a lot of good and redeeming things and his entire party loves him again. THIS memory is much earlier, when he is still winning the party back, has only done a few good redeeming things, and is not even convinced himself that he can change. He is still stinging heavily from Akzeriuth, and hasn't learned that he wants to live. So it's baaaasically one of Luke's looooowest points.
Thus I assume that the reason Luke never mentions the way Van treats him is because he... gets it. He really does. Of course Van thinks he is worthless. He completely realizes that Van isn't treating him with hatred or anger, just complete dismissal. He killed thousands of people, he was never in the Score to begin with, he only exists at all as a cog in Van's machinations for world destruction. The only value his life has is trying to redeem himself from something terrible, and he already knows he can't possibly achieve that!
So that is kind of his... mindset at the time. Despite how UTTERLY DEPRESSING all of these facts are, he is not... well okay he IS miserable at the time? But he isn't self involved in his own misery. By that point in the game Luke has very much accepted how much he sucks forever and is coping with it very well. So in the memory hearing this from Van is not a surprise, and not even that upsetting. Sad? Yes. But he didn't cry or try to talk to Van about it. He understood, accepted it, and was way more upset over Van's plans than Van's feelings on him.
So, to Luke From Canon, this is a negative-trivial memory. It is not a big deal.
To Dawn this is a Sig Neg, and without question the most upsetting thing to happen to him so far 8D;
It's... well. It would have been a lot worse if he remembered loving Van. But all he knew about Van was that he was Very Important and he probably would have done anything for him! Which is still a lot, but no where close to Luke's obsessive love in canon. He also knew Van is Guy's friend, and Guy cares about him a lot! He was PRETTY WELL SET UP TO THINK this Van guy is pretty awesome.
However, just remembering that Van thinks he is worthless would not have upset him that much. He would have switched over to his "well fuck you" mode and blown it off as much as he could.
What really is upsetting him is mindset at the time! He essentially agreed with the terrible things Van said about him! He absolutely completely believes he has no value. In fact, he has negative value because it would have been better if he never existed! Dawn, being Luke, has cooooonstant issues with his self worth. Being told he is useless really bothers him. But he doesn't know how to deal with anything constructively so he tries to pretend like he doesn't care. But "no one cares about me" "everyone thinks I'm useless" is a fairly regular concern in the back of his mind.
So getting a memory of his 'old' self who not only agrees with Master Van who just said he should have died, but isn't at all offended by such really terrible things being said. Iiiit's. Upsetting! The him who has all of his memories and presumably is smarter and knows things and can do things thinks he shouldn't exist and that REALLY SUCKS. The fact that apparently also Guy's friend Van wants him dead does not help matters.
SO BASICALLY WHAT LUKE LEARNED OUT OF THIS is that the value of his existence is in question and I have no idea how he will deal with that.
no subject
no subject
OORR get your ps2 moded. Or by an american ps2
IT IS MY FAVORITE GAME EVER IT IS TOTALLY WORTH IT
no subject
orrrrrr watch the anime
They obviously had to condense a toooooon but it's really a good adaption, much better than the manga.
no subject
LOOK A TORRENT
If I've done that to you before I'm sorry I forget things 8|;
no subject
no subject