Dawn [Inferno] // Luke fon Fabre (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
heliokleptic) wrote2011-09-08 01:22 am
heliokleptic) wrote2011-09-08 01:22 am
Entry tags:
Essay Grabbag!
THIS IS A GRAB BAG ESSAY which is to say a bunch of mini essays about whatever the fuck I want in whatever ORDER i want on whichever character I want =D
-Dawn has like +80 to his how-to-fauxiopath skill by this point. Which is helpful since he just got back a memory of Jade's background. Now IN CANON, he does not even realize that Jade is totally a sociopath. Because in canon Luke's definition of crazy is like. TRYING TO DESTROY THE WORLD. And if you just don't understand death or maybe used to kill monsters for fun, then you are just kind of unusual! However, in Aather he has dealt with SO MANY people who are crazy, and talked about it with people and had it identified as such, that he can recognize that being totally disconnected from basic aspects of reality BASICALLY MEANS YOU ARE INSANE, even if you aren't actively dangerous. However, in the memory he was very sure that Jade wouldn't make those mistakes again! So he thinks of Jade as someone who used to be crazy, BUT he has made the connection of 'maybe Jade is also bad at feelings like most of the other crazy people I know =oa?' and hilariously that makes him considerably more comfortable with Jade suddenly.
-So ANYONE WHO HAS TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT LUCIFER EVER knows that I am super excited for when he has enough memories to start hitting on people and being a trollish dick while still not having a lot of human feelings! But I am honestly pretty surprised by how much I enjoy playing him just as he is. I mean, I DO STILL WANT PERIDOT TO WIN ALL THE GAMES BECAUSE IS REGISTRY IS THE SIZE OF THE SUN AND I WANT THAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. But I honestly was kind of like 'lol idk Lucifer will backburner REALLY HARD until he gets about 10 kira memories' and actually he is establishing a lot of great CR and I am having a ton of fun with him and I think he has a pretty solid voice ?? @.@ idk it's great guys
-I AM PRETTY STUPIDLY EXCITED ABOUT ELLIOT ADOPTING YURI LOWELL, I don't think Yuri has quite realized what all that entitles him too but I imagine he will pick it up eventually
-And Leo being the stupid one is still funny. OH NO CARNELIAN NEEDS TO WIN. I CURRENTLY CARE ABOUT LEO'S MEMORIES MORE THAN MY OWN 8D;
-Okay those last two things weren't mini essays so much as my inability to not squeal about certain things. I WORRY THAT ELLIOT ISN'T STUPID ENOUGH, honestly. My excuse has been that he doesn't have Leo around, and as much as Leo's help is invaluable to Elliot, in a way he is also a crutch. For example, we never see Elliot flailing and losing it to the level he does in canon BEFORE he had Leo, and this, coupled with the fact that what he wanted most out of Leo was 'someone to be speak to honestly', I think having Leo around to rely on constantly let Elliot be a lot more free about stuff! Including his temper. So despite his reputation as being a very honest person, I think Elliot was actually always pretty withdrawn due to his station and needing the approval of his family. He freely went TOTALLY OFF ON OZ over petty things, due to a lot of factors, but in part because having Leo around meant that he didn't have to watch himself as much! If he was out of line, Leo would let him know.
Anyway, In Aathrer it's a little of neither. He is more guarded and reserved and dishonest, but it's not always fear of reprisal. Frequently it's that he is ACTUALLY WATCHING HIMSELF!! Which I do think is a thing he is capable of. But I slot a lot of this into the fact that his first memory here was KILLING HIMSELF which I think could change anyone's character foundation a bit. But ultimately what it comes down to is I fear that Elliot should be more closed off, even more judgmental and angry, and less open to change. Even tho those are all things we see him do in canon they AREN'T things we see him do constantly so it comes too easily to him? 8|a so idk. but I think i am okay.
-I'M ALSO RIDIC EXCITED ABOUT LUCIFER AND NUNNALLY lol 8D;
-I sometimes feel awkward about fact that most of Dawn's off team CR is 'better' than his on team, minus Acedia. Like. HE REALLY DOES FIXATE ON ACEDIA, idk if that prevents him from forming other really strong on team relationships or not. I think part of is that a sort of whiplash from the really strong 'Ruby' mentality that Acedia and Wrath pushed early on, and now that Dawn has finally just said 'fuck it, that's not how I do things', he has found comfort in the emotional distance. He DOES have Ruby bonds, but it's more like 'this is my party' than anything else. And much like, oh, how he went through 80% of ToA without realizing Jade thought of him as a friend, or being particularly close to Anise, he is very capable of being responsible for Ruby, and reliable, without actually being very close!
Though, in a way, Luke was always bad at close bonds. Like... hands down, the person in canon MOST DESERVING of Luke's complete trust and honesty and codependence is Guy! But in a way it is always one sided. I say it as Luke took Guy for granted, but I think it is more that he fixates on people a lot, and his fixations tend to be Van related. The people who Luke CARES ABOUT THE MOST in canon are Van, Tear, and Asch. Only one of those people actually likes or values him or in any way deserves his feelings! 8D; He DOES love Guy, but Guy in that sense is a lot like a parent. He has always been present and safe and secure and trustworthy and reliable, but SO MUCH SO that is difficult for Luke to look at him as an object of desire, because he already completely has him! The people he pursues and wishes for are the ones that he can't have.
Anyway, I am getting off track. But BASICALLY even though Luke is totally a jesus, and does bond to some degree with his entire party, he is a unique mix of self-centered/independent/totally-without-self-worth that results in him generally keeping some kind of solid emotional wall between him and mooost of the people he cares about. He doesn't actively lean on people often, though he invites them regularly to lean on him! And in the end, he loves people dearly without ever getting terribly close, and Ruby is kind of like that, but with an extra bit of distance due to stuff like constant explosions, or general relationship inconsistency. So I am kind of like \8D/; and idk if it will ever change =|a THO HE IS DOING PRETTY WELL WITH CELTY so maybe they will end up close... A lot of it is also if he isn't OBSESSED with someone he needs to be able to empathically connect with someone, and so far only Konatsu on Ruby has managed to understand Dawn's feelings ever, tho Celty probably has it in her =|a
-ALL THREE OF MY CHARACTERS ENJOY FIGHTING MONSTERS \o/ Dawn does it the least because his team frets. Lucifer goes out most of every dawn and dusk because lol whatever FUCK WAITING TO GET SWORD SKILLS BACK. He is reteaching himself in trial by fire and he is fucking Lucifer so he can actually do that 8) Elliot goes out periodically, more so now that he has Firebird's healing bonus, and level grinds. He has the hardest time with it! And has learned not to go far from Sterling and not to take on more than one at a time, but he is getting there.
-MEMORIES I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO: With Lucifer I just want like day-to-day life stuff. I DO look foward to when I can unlock LUCIFER memories, but that won't happen until after he remembers God is dead. Because if he gets back his drive to kill God before knowing he is already dead, it will once again kill his Kira personality. OH! I wanted to talk about that too. Basically, the reason Lucifer isn't rejecting the Kira aspects of himself like he did in canon, is because Lucifer's goals had no room for Kira's existence. Kira would have sacrificed his own goals for Setsuna's safety and happiness! Lucifer sure as fuck would not. So Kira had to die \=D/ It also hurt that like... Lucifer had THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF BEING LUCIFER, and only a few years of being Kira, so Kira sort of drowned ANYWAY. But it wasn't that he rejected Kira because he couldn't accept BEING Kira, I think. This, again, plays into his sense of freedom. He can beo anyone he wants! He could have chosen to incorporate Kira's life into himself, but he crowded it out because he has higher priorities. In Aather he doesn't have this issue, and he doesn't remember what he was up to as Lucifer, so he is pretty content to accept all of his past and potentially toss pieces out as it becomes necessary. So yes it is important that he not remember why he hates God before he already knows he won, or he will go into full on Lucifer mode and not be any fun for anyone!
-OKAY BACK TO MEMORIES. Lol. Every time Luke does not get a sig neg I laugh. It is BY FAR the largest category in his registry, and he has the fewest given. In addition, of the like... three he has received, I am pretty sure I requested two of them. It always kind of surprises me how much people seem to be afraid to give out sig negs 8D; I personally try to give people whatever would balance their registry out the most. And other people TELL ME THAT IS WHAT THEY DO TOO, but I continue to get neutrals and positives for Luke, even though he now has one positive left aaand about thirty negs! I DON'T MIND. This is not a complaint. Because I am going to play him forever and it is all the same to me if Luke eventually gets nothing but negatives. Frankly most of the neutrals he gets are actually negs anyway, just... marked as neutral because Luke has a hilariously warped sense of personal suffering. BUT WHAT THAT MEANS HERE IS YES, I want more sig negs for Luke. ALSO day-to-day stuff, because even though I have a lot of memories that are marked as going from point A to point B, that is just for sake of organization on my part. They actually aren't that boring, and I would like him to have more party memories.
-I AM PRETTY CHILL WITH ELLIOT'S MEMORIES ALL AROUND. Though, like Luke, he is going to run out of positives really fast. At the very least a lot of his sig negs aren't really that terrible (a lot ARE too though...). But it isn't as imbalanced as Luke's has been. I'm definitely looking FORWARD to certain big ones but I don't want to force them and I like most of his memories anyway =|a
-Dawn's heartgame is in PERPETUAL MOTION 8D; Like half of it still isn't written up and I keep changing things to try to make them MORE SYMBOLIC or MORE INTERACTIVE so I hope people have a lot of fun. But while I have a lot left to do, and keep thinking of lol MORE PARTS OF DAWN I SHOULD INCLUDE. I really am excited about what i have and hope people touch all the things =3c
-Some brief sex thoughts on each of my characters because I haven't talked about porn in this thing yet! Dawn is on his way to becoming comfortable with sex, he is NOT EVEN KIND OF THERE YET, but he is on that track. This is because he is still Dawn so he approaches sex the same way he approaches anything "Oh no I don't understand this I GUESS I BETTER LEARN" and of course he is motivated because he actually likes sex a lot, so of course he wants to be good at it! He didn't really think of it as a thing people were bad or good at until he failed to turn Acedia on because apparently Acedia isn't turned on by EVERYTHING the way Dawn is 8D; But now he's actively trying to learn about it. He is definitely poly, but doesn't actively look for it, and when he DOES he just goes to Acedia, so people have to like, tell him they want in his pants or he won't notice 8D; This MAY CHANGE if he is ever sexually active enough, but right now? Waaaaaaaaaaay too dumb.
Lucifer doesn't caaare. He will eventually hit on girls to troll them, and will always be chill with carrying that out, and he is probably a great lay as long as you aren't looking for an emotional connection. But even then he won't really give a fuck so *shrug?*
ELLIOT IS A PERMAVIRGIN. I do look forward to the day when someone actively tries to get in his pants tho. Particularly a boy. Because that will be hilarious.
Okay I am out of things I wanted to ramble on I think. And my back hurts like a bitch so I am going to go to bed. I GUESS PEOPLE CAN ASK QUESTIONS IF THEY WANT but seriously why would you want to.
-Dawn has like +80 to his how-to-fauxiopath skill by this point. Which is helpful since he just got back a memory of Jade's background. Now IN CANON, he does not even realize that Jade is totally a sociopath. Because in canon Luke's definition of crazy is like. TRYING TO DESTROY THE WORLD. And if you just don't understand death or maybe used to kill monsters for fun, then you are just kind of unusual! However, in Aather he has dealt with SO MANY people who are crazy, and talked about it with people and had it identified as such, that he can recognize that being totally disconnected from basic aspects of reality BASICALLY MEANS YOU ARE INSANE, even if you aren't actively dangerous. However, in the memory he was very sure that Jade wouldn't make those mistakes again! So he thinks of Jade as someone who used to be crazy, BUT he has made the connection of 'maybe Jade is also bad at feelings like most of the other crazy people I know =oa?' and hilariously that makes him considerably more comfortable with Jade suddenly.
-So ANYONE WHO HAS TO HEAR ME TALK ABOUT LUCIFER EVER knows that I am super excited for when he has enough memories to start hitting on people and being a trollish dick while still not having a lot of human feelings! But I am honestly pretty surprised by how much I enjoy playing him just as he is. I mean, I DO STILL WANT PERIDOT TO WIN ALL THE GAMES BECAUSE IS REGISTRY IS THE SIZE OF THE SUN AND I WANT THAT CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. But I honestly was kind of like 'lol idk Lucifer will backburner REALLY HARD until he gets about 10 kira memories' and actually he is establishing a lot of great CR and I am having a ton of fun with him and I think he has a pretty solid voice ?? @.@ idk it's great guys
-I AM PRETTY STUPIDLY EXCITED ABOUT ELLIOT ADOPTING YURI LOWELL, I don't think Yuri has quite realized what all that entitles him too but I imagine he will pick it up eventually
-And Leo being the stupid one is still funny. OH NO CARNELIAN NEEDS TO WIN. I CURRENTLY CARE ABOUT LEO'S MEMORIES MORE THAN MY OWN 8D;
-Okay those last two things weren't mini essays so much as my inability to not squeal about certain things. I WORRY THAT ELLIOT ISN'T STUPID ENOUGH, honestly. My excuse has been that he doesn't have Leo around, and as much as Leo's help is invaluable to Elliot, in a way he is also a crutch. For example, we never see Elliot flailing and losing it to the level he does in canon BEFORE he had Leo, and this, coupled with the fact that what he wanted most out of Leo was 'someone to be speak to honestly', I think having Leo around to rely on constantly let Elliot be a lot more free about stuff! Including his temper. So despite his reputation as being a very honest person, I think Elliot was actually always pretty withdrawn due to his station and needing the approval of his family. He freely went TOTALLY OFF ON OZ over petty things, due to a lot of factors, but in part because having Leo around meant that he didn't have to watch himself as much! If he was out of line, Leo would let him know.
Anyway, In Aathrer it's a little of neither. He is more guarded and reserved and dishonest, but it's not always fear of reprisal. Frequently it's that he is ACTUALLY WATCHING HIMSELF!! Which I do think is a thing he is capable of. But I slot a lot of this into the fact that his first memory here was KILLING HIMSELF which I think could change anyone's character foundation a bit. But ultimately what it comes down to is I fear that Elliot should be more closed off, even more judgmental and angry, and less open to change. Even tho those are all things we see him do in canon they AREN'T things we see him do constantly so it comes too easily to him? 8|a so idk. but I think i am okay.
-I'M ALSO RIDIC EXCITED ABOUT LUCIFER AND NUNNALLY lol 8D;
-I sometimes feel awkward about fact that most of Dawn's off team CR is 'better' than his on team, minus Acedia. Like. HE REALLY DOES FIXATE ON ACEDIA, idk if that prevents him from forming other really strong on team relationships or not. I think part of is that a sort of whiplash from the really strong 'Ruby' mentality that Acedia and Wrath pushed early on, and now that Dawn has finally just said 'fuck it, that's not how I do things', he has found comfort in the emotional distance. He DOES have Ruby bonds, but it's more like 'this is my party' than anything else. And much like, oh, how he went through 80% of ToA without realizing Jade thought of him as a friend, or being particularly close to Anise, he is very capable of being responsible for Ruby, and reliable, without actually being very close!
Though, in a way, Luke was always bad at close bonds. Like... hands down, the person in canon MOST DESERVING of Luke's complete trust and honesty and codependence is Guy! But in a way it is always one sided. I say it as Luke took Guy for granted, but I think it is more that he fixates on people a lot, and his fixations tend to be Van related. The people who Luke CARES ABOUT THE MOST in canon are Van, Tear, and Asch. Only one of those people actually likes or values him or in any way deserves his feelings! 8D; He DOES love Guy, but Guy in that sense is a lot like a parent. He has always been present and safe and secure and trustworthy and reliable, but SO MUCH SO that is difficult for Luke to look at him as an object of desire, because he already completely has him! The people he pursues and wishes for are the ones that he can't have.
Anyway, I am getting off track. But BASICALLY even though Luke is totally a jesus, and does bond to some degree with his entire party, he is a unique mix of self-centered/independent/totally-without-self-worth that results in him generally keeping some kind of solid emotional wall between him and mooost of the people he cares about. He doesn't actively lean on people often, though he invites them regularly to lean on him! And in the end, he loves people dearly without ever getting terribly close, and Ruby is kind of like that, but with an extra bit of distance due to stuff like constant explosions, or general relationship inconsistency. So I am kind of like \8D/; and idk if it will ever change =|a THO HE IS DOING PRETTY WELL WITH CELTY so maybe they will end up close... A lot of it is also if he isn't OBSESSED with someone he needs to be able to empathically connect with someone, and so far only Konatsu on Ruby has managed to understand Dawn's feelings ever, tho Celty probably has it in her =|a
-ALL THREE OF MY CHARACTERS ENJOY FIGHTING MONSTERS \o/ Dawn does it the least because his team frets. Lucifer goes out most of every dawn and dusk because lol whatever FUCK WAITING TO GET SWORD SKILLS BACK. He is reteaching himself in trial by fire and he is fucking Lucifer so he can actually do that 8) Elliot goes out periodically, more so now that he has Firebird's healing bonus, and level grinds. He has the hardest time with it! And has learned not to go far from Sterling and not to take on more than one at a time, but he is getting there.
-MEMORIES I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO: With Lucifer I just want like day-to-day life stuff. I DO look foward to when I can unlock LUCIFER memories, but that won't happen until after he remembers God is dead. Because if he gets back his drive to kill God before knowing he is already dead, it will once again kill his Kira personality. OH! I wanted to talk about that too. Basically, the reason Lucifer isn't rejecting the Kira aspects of himself like he did in canon, is because Lucifer's goals had no room for Kira's existence. Kira would have sacrificed his own goals for Setsuna's safety and happiness! Lucifer sure as fuck would not. So Kira had to die \=D/ It also hurt that like... Lucifer had THOUSANDS OF YEARS OF BEING LUCIFER, and only a few years of being Kira, so Kira sort of drowned ANYWAY. But it wasn't that he rejected Kira because he couldn't accept BEING Kira, I think. This, again, plays into his sense of freedom. He can beo anyone he wants! He could have chosen to incorporate Kira's life into himself, but he crowded it out because he has higher priorities. In Aather he doesn't have this issue, and he doesn't remember what he was up to as Lucifer, so he is pretty content to accept all of his past and potentially toss pieces out as it becomes necessary. So yes it is important that he not remember why he hates God before he already knows he won, or he will go into full on Lucifer mode and not be any fun for anyone!
-OKAY BACK TO MEMORIES. Lol. Every time Luke does not get a sig neg I laugh. It is BY FAR the largest category in his registry, and he has the fewest given. In addition, of the like... three he has received, I am pretty sure I requested two of them. It always kind of surprises me how much people seem to be afraid to give out sig negs 8D; I personally try to give people whatever would balance their registry out the most. And other people TELL ME THAT IS WHAT THEY DO TOO, but I continue to get neutrals and positives for Luke, even though he now has one positive left aaand about thirty negs! I DON'T MIND. This is not a complaint. Because I am going to play him forever and it is all the same to me if Luke eventually gets nothing but negatives. Frankly most of the neutrals he gets are actually negs anyway, just... marked as neutral because Luke has a hilariously warped sense of personal suffering. BUT WHAT THAT MEANS HERE IS YES, I want more sig negs for Luke. ALSO day-to-day stuff, because even though I have a lot of memories that are marked as going from point A to point B, that is just for sake of organization on my part. They actually aren't that boring, and I would like him to have more party memories.
-I AM PRETTY CHILL WITH ELLIOT'S MEMORIES ALL AROUND. Though, like Luke, he is going to run out of positives really fast. At the very least a lot of his sig negs aren't really that terrible (a lot ARE too though...). But it isn't as imbalanced as Luke's has been. I'm definitely looking FORWARD to certain big ones but I don't want to force them and I like most of his memories anyway =|a
-Dawn's heartgame is in PERPETUAL MOTION 8D; Like half of it still isn't written up and I keep changing things to try to make them MORE SYMBOLIC or MORE INTERACTIVE so I hope people have a lot of fun. But while I have a lot left to do, and keep thinking of lol MORE PARTS OF DAWN I SHOULD INCLUDE. I really am excited about what i have and hope people touch all the things =3c
-Some brief sex thoughts on each of my characters because I haven't talked about porn in this thing yet! Dawn is on his way to becoming comfortable with sex, he is NOT EVEN KIND OF THERE YET, but he is on that track. This is because he is still Dawn so he approaches sex the same way he approaches anything "Oh no I don't understand this I GUESS I BETTER LEARN" and of course he is motivated because he actually likes sex a lot, so of course he wants to be good at it! He didn't really think of it as a thing people were bad or good at until he failed to turn Acedia on because apparently Acedia isn't turned on by EVERYTHING the way Dawn is 8D; But now he's actively trying to learn about it. He is definitely poly, but doesn't actively look for it, and when he DOES he just goes to Acedia, so people have to like, tell him they want in his pants or he won't notice 8D; This MAY CHANGE if he is ever sexually active enough, but right now? Waaaaaaaaaaay too dumb.
Lucifer doesn't caaare. He will eventually hit on girls to troll them, and will always be chill with carrying that out, and he is probably a great lay as long as you aren't looking for an emotional connection. But even then he won't really give a fuck so *shrug?*
ELLIOT IS A PERMAVIRGIN. I do look forward to the day when someone actively tries to get in his pants tho. Particularly a boy. Because that will be hilarious.
Okay I am out of things I wanted to ramble on I think. And my back hurts like a bitch so I am going to go to bed. I GUESS PEOPLE CAN ASK QUESTIONS IF THEY WANT but seriously why would you want to.